2023-11-04 - Morning Pages

So, here we were on the court, now what? I haven’t played basketball in right around one hundred years. What am I supposed to do with this thing? The varnish gleamed off the parquay floor with seeming intent to mirror my terrified reflection to me.

At sons’s basketball practice trying to do morning pages while also hearing the basketball stuff in the background. I should put my AirPods in and focus.

The sunlight gleamed off the snow clothing the mountains. The glare was blinding, but I had to continue. My sunglasses had fallen off about 3,000 feet up into my journey leaving my eyes completely defenseless.

I’m trying to remember the reason I thought hiking this mountain in February was such a great idea. I remember needing time away from the city and the incessant caucophany of noise, the mind-numbing repetitiveness of the daily life and the stresses induced from responsibility. But this!? What in the hell was I thinking? Beautiful? Check. Quite? To the point of deafening. Interesting? Overload. Stress reduction? The exact opposite.

I am only two days into my journey. I’ve lost my aforementioned sunglasses already. My tent, while warm and portable doesn’t provide the security I was hoping for against the risk of large animal intrusion. ”Really?” I thought to myself, ”you expected 3-millimeter-thick vinyl to provide adequate protection against bears and moose?” It is funny how your perspectives shift when you dreams of something impact harsh reality.

It is beautiful, I reflected, or at least as much as I can see through the glare off the snow ridges. It is interesting how being about 6,000 feet closer to the sun changes the potency of the light. Or, again, maybe that is just my current perspective.

I begin to lift my foot from the hip-high snow with the assistance of my walking pole to continue the journey. I am slow, moving about a mile-per-hour. The goal though isn’t to be fast, but to slow down and enjoy the adventure. I’m hoping I can get there mentally. It is going to take some time to shed the prior two decades of non-stop pressures of work. How in the heck have I not taken a vacation in 20 years, I reminisced!? Had to get to the top. And this? This was my genius idea for a vacation? I couldn’t have just found a secluded beach somewhere with 80-degree weather and sipped cocktails? I guess I have always been driven to achieve things, hence the lack of vacation and also trying to get to the top of this mountain.

The snow is crunching to my right. I’m terrified to look, yet simultaneously terrified to not look.

I paused my steps, and laugh to myself the cessation of the action is virtual non-discernible since I’m moving so slow anyway. Slowly, I begin rotating my head to the right to determine the source of the noise. Thankfully, I’m relieved to find that it is a small mountain goat attempting to find lunch. Noise is amplified also, like dozens of microphones are scattered along the landscape feeding sound waves through giant speakers on my shoulders. I hear everything.

My path is about 20 yards below a ridge line to my right in effort to reduce my exposure to the wind. The sun breached the ridge line about two hours ago and produced one of the most spectacular view I have seen in my life. Observing the way the light rays continued to reduce the shadow past the ridge then glanced off the snow to reflect of the far mountain literally took my breath away. Beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, there is not a word that accurately describes it sufficiently. This. This is the reason I’m here. All other thoughts are silenced, just the awe of nature captivates my mind and imagination.

Who has been here before me? Surely, someone has throughout all of history.